The T-Room
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Take Off with T-Bag

Episode 3 (Bagsy Malone)

First Transmitted 22.9.1992



Peter Banks as Lieutenant Kowalski

Kerry Shale as Bagsy Malone


The Saucer arrives in New York, with T-Bag whinging because she hasn't got her birthday surprise. As it comes in to land, Lieutenant Kowalski comes out to see what all the noise is. T-Bag and teh rest come out and he tells them that they cannot park there. Suddenly, there is a huge explosion and Lieutenant Kowalski goes to see what is happening. He is accosted by Bagsy Malone, a notorious criminal, who is making his getaway. He make the lieutenant put up his hands and stand against the wall. He then turns to T-Bag and demands to use her flying saucer as a getaway vehicle. After a bit of banter, and being threatened with a machine gun, they all climb aboard.

The saucer takes off and Lieutenant Kowalski can't believe his eyes.

T-Shirt is excited because he has never been hijacked before. He asks Bagsy what he has in the bag, but Bagsy shuts him up. He then demands that Tow-Ling lands the ship and asks where the last place that the police would try to find him would be. Tow-Ling suggests the police station. Bagsy likes the idea and asks that they put down on the roof. They land.

Once Bagsy has left, T-Bag demands again that they get back to finding her birthday surprise. As they are making their descent from the roof, Lieutenant Kowalski arrests them for aiding and abetting a criminal. Tow-Ling protests that they were taken hostage, but the lieutenant refuses to believe them and tells them that they are looking at fifteen years in the slammer. T-Bag then has the brilliant idea of bludgeoning the policeman into unconsciousness with a baseball bat that she conjurs up. Once he has been well and truly clobbered, T-Shirt protests that this will get them another fifteen years in the slammer. Lieutenant Kowalski comes around, and T-Bag and T-Shirt make a dash for freedom. The Lieutenant manages to capture Tow-Ling and he yells after the others.

Once the coast is clear, T-Shirt and T-Bag clamber out of their hiding places (a couple of dumpters. Of course, T-Shirt is in the empty one, and T-Bag is hiding in the other one in a bunch of dead fish). T-Shirt vows to rescue Tow-Ling, but T-Bag would rather find the birthday surprise. T-Shirt tells her that they will have to find Bagsy Malone and hand him over to the police to clear their names. T-Bag tells him that Bagsy ran off and asks how they will find him. T-Shirt holds up a gum wrapper with the name "Blue Cockatoo Club" with an address on it that Bagsy had dropped.

Later, at the club, the dynamic duo start to search the club for Bagsy. T-Bag peers through a set of curtains in an alcove to see Bagsy on the phone to his fellow gangsters telling them that he has the jewels. She then tells T-Shirt that they will have to get the diamonds and give them back to the police. Suddenly, she spots Lieutenant Kowalski coming into the club. The two despair, thinking that they will be caught, but T-Bag spots a sign advertising for female jazz musicians. She disguises herself and T-Shirt as a female jazz band.

They both go into Bagsy's office and he hires them. He demands that they get to work.

They get on stage and T-Shirt puts on a record of a jazz band. They them mime to the record. Lieutenant Kowalski is very impressed with their playing.

In his office, Bagsyputs the jewels in a case and then he hears the cheering, so he pops out to see how they are doing. He stands right beside Lieutenant Kowalski without realising who he is. The Lieutenant asks if he is the manager and Bagsy realises who he is talking to and tries to make himself scarce, but Lieutenant Kowalski insists that he sits down and has a drink with him. He is convinced that he has seen him somewhere before.

T-Shirt sees that Bagsy is otherwise engaged and sends T-Bag to get the diamonds from Bagsy's office.

Lieutenant Kowalski gets fed up with waiting for the waiter to bring their drinks, so he decides to go and get them himself. Bagsy sees T-Bag slip into his office and follows her. He stands in the doorway and ses T-Bag open the safe. He creeps up behind her when she has her head in the safe and yels "BOO!". T-Bag jumps and knocks herself out on the safe. She slumps to the floor and her wig falls off. Bagsy then recognises her. He picks up the wig and has an idea about how to slip past the policeman.

Meanwhile, T-Shirt's number draws to a close, and Lieutenant Kowalski cheers and tell him to take a bow. When he does, his wig falls off and the policeman instantly recognises him. He chases him around the club, and then T-Shirt makes a dash into Bagsy's office to try to revive T-Bag. As Lieutenant Kowalski follows him, a figure in a blonde wig wearing a purple boa and carrying a violin case dashes out and bumps straight into him. The Lieutenant yells, "Outta the way, lady!" and Bagsy makes his escape.

T-Shirt is trying to wake T-Bag when the policeman comes in and arrests them. T-Bag wakes up and grabs one of his legs, knocking him to the floor. They then make their escape and there is a big chase around New York. During the chase, they run past the prison, and Tow-Ling calls to T-Shirt. T-Shirt breaks him out by tying a rope to the bars and the other end to the bumper of a car. He then drives the car away and it pulls the bars out of the window. As they fly through the air, they hit Bagsy over the head and knock him out. Lieutenant Kowalski turns up and arrests him. The Lieutenant then tells T-Bag that they get the reward from the jewellery store, so T-Bag immediately assumes that it is the gems and starts gathering them up and putting them in a case to take home. The Lieutenant then takes the case of gems off her and gives her another golden envelope telling her that it is her reward.

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