The T-Room
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T-Bag and the Suntones of Montezuma

Episode 8 (Napoleon and Josephine)

First Transmitted 24.2.1992



Kerry Shale as Napoleon

Jeff Shankley as Bidet


T-Shirt is listening to loud music again, when T-Bag comes in and tells him to turn it off. She then calls him a wimp and a wally. T-Shirt tells her that he could get the next sunstone really easily if she didn't interfere and goes to get it.

Napoleon emerges from his tent and summons his Captain, Bidet. He tells him that he wants a feather for his hat because he has a date with Josephine. Bidet objects because he considers the battle more important. Napoleon goes back inside the tent. He has the next stone on one of his medals. T-Shirt emerges having heard all of this. He disguises himself as a hatmaker called Chuck Beret. He tells Napoleon that he is the finest hatmaker around and then he tells him that his current hat is really out of fashion. Napoleon reassures him that he was going to spruce it up with a feather, but T-Shirt tells him that feathers are not in fashion either. Napoleon then says that of course he knew this, and he would rather die than be seen with a feather in his hat. At that moment, Bidet comes back with a big ostrich feather. Napoleon is furious and tells him to get out of his sight.

Outside the tent, Bidet is furious. Penny approaches and asks him what is wrong. Bidet tells her that he should be in battle and not getting feathers.

T-Shirt produces a massive pink hat which he puts on Napoleons head and it goes right over. Whilst it is over his head, he tries to grab the stone. Napoleon discovers what he is doing and sticks the hat over T-Shirt's head. He then rings for Bidet, who comes in and starts waving his sword at T-Shirt to scare him off. He accidentally chops Napoleon's old hat in half, and this makes Napoleon furious! T-Shirt escapes.

T-Bag finds the next stone in the saucer and then sees Bidet planning a mutiny. She decides to do business with him.

T-Bag disguises herself as a soldier and spins Bidet some yarn about her being a captain who has been demoted by Napoleon. Bidet then decides to involve her in the mutiny. Penny has overheard this and goes to Napoleon's tent.

In the tent, she tells him that Bidet is involved in a conspiracy. Napoleon sends her out for details, and in return he offers her the medal.

Bidet and T-Bag are going over the plan again. The plan is that T-Bag is to dress up as Josephine and go to the tent. She is then to chloroform Napoleon. She asks Bidet if it really works. Bidet notices Penny and grabs her. T-Bag treis out the chloroform on her, before grabbing the bag of sunstones.

Napoleon is fretting in the tent about where Penny has got to. T-Shirt creeps up behind him and goes to bash him with a frying pan, but Napoleon turns around just in time, and recognises him as the hatmaker. T-Shirt tells him that he isn't the hat maker, but is his twin brother, Shirt Cake the chef. Napoleon wishes that he had a double so that he could get out of being clobbered. He is then struck by an idea and gets T-Shirt to dress up in his clothes in return for the medal.

Nightfall, and T-Bag is dressed up as Josephine. She gives the bag of stones to Bidet to guard whilst she carries out the plan.

T-Shirt comes out from behind the screen with the uniform on. Napoleon hides behind the screen.

T-Bag comes in and tries to seduce T-Shirt. They then discover their true identities. T-Bag starts beating hell out of T-Shirt for trying to ruin everything. Bidet hears the commotion and throws the bag of stones away and dashes in to rescue T-Bag.

Penny comes to and remembers the conspiracy. She discovers that her bag has gone walkies.

Back in the tent, Bidet discovers that T-Shirt is a "Phoney Boney". he decides to get to the bottom of what is going on whne he hears Napoleon sneeze from behind the screen. Napoleon emerges holding a gun. He tries to fire, but the safety is on. Bidet grabs the gun and they all start chasing each other around to the 1812 overture.

Outside, Penny finds her bag and then cuts the rope on the tent. She then bashes everyone except for Napoleon on the head with a large frying pan. When he emerges, he gives her the medal.

Back at the T-Room, T-Bag is wailing about having the bag in her hand and then losing them. T-Shirt gives her a hanky to blow her nose on, but it is the chloroform soaked one, so T-Bag ends the episode unconscious.

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