The T-Room
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T-Bag and the Suntones of Montezuma

Episode 6 (Ra Ra Rasputin)

First Transmitted 10.2.1992



Brenda Longman as Tsarina Alexis Ilobov Sergeivna Ranevskya

Peter Woodthorpe as Doctor Popov


Russia, and we find Rasputin running around a throne room, trying to catch a fly in a jar. He succeeds and the Tsarina comes in. She praises his medical genius in curing her most recent ailment, and she goes to select a reward from her treasure table for him. As she is making up her mind, Rasputin holds the jar with the fly close to her ear so that she can hear the buzzing. She turns around, confised at the buzzing. Rasputin makes out that he can't hear it. He then makes out that it could be serious, and makes the Tsarina believe that her legs will fall off in the middle of the night unless she has immediate treatment. She pleads with him to help her, and he agrees.

He holds up his "miraculous healing crystal" (the stone) and tells the Tsarina to gaze into it. He releases the fly from the jar, and the Tsarina thinks that she is cured. She gives him a silver goblet for his troubles. She leaves happily. Rasputin is far from happy with his pay.

In the T-Room, T-Bag sees the Sunstone.

Rasputin is helping himself to the treasure table, when the idea to marry the Tsarina comes into his head so that he can get his hands on her money. Penny appears behind him and he yells at her before taking his leave into the next room. Penny sees the treasure table and starts to look through it on the off chance that the sunstone could be there. As she searches, the Tsarina comes in and catches her. She sees that there are pieces of treasure missing, and accuses Penny. Penny tries to explain that she saw a man stealing when she arrived and she slips out of the Tsarinas grasp and rushes into the next room which turns out to be a bell tower and a dead end. Penny is confused over where Rasputin could have got to. The Tsarina comes in and grabs Penny again.

In the T-Room, T-Bag sees Penny's predicament. She formulates a plan to do with Cossacks.

Penny slips from the Tsarina's grasp and makes a dash for freedom. The Tsarina calls for her guards and T-Bag and T-Shirt appear dressed as cossacks. They go through a series of military moves. The Tsarina explains that there is a thief in the palace, and that if they apprehend her, they can name their reward. They set off to find her. The Tsarina leaves the room to look also. Penny's head then emerges from behind the throne, but disappears again when she hears Rasputin singing a wedding march. He sweeps into the room holding a bunch of flowers. He crosses to the tresure table and grabs a ring off it before calling to the Tsarina. Penny leaps out and apprehends him.

The Tsarina comes sailing in and congratulates Rasputin for apprehending the thief. Penny tries to explain that she is doing the apprehending, but the Tsarina tells her to be silent, calling her a wicked hussy. She tells Rasputin that the reward is his and asks him to name it. He tells her that there is something on his mind and gives her the flowers. She asks the guards (T-Bag and T-Shirt) to arrest Penny and take her away, but T-Bag is only interested in her reward. The Tsarina and Rasputin take no notice of her, no matter how loudly she yells, and they leave, whilst Rasputin is telling the Tsarina that he wants to tell her what is in his heart (YECH!).

Penny crows at T-Bags failure, but T-Bag warns her that she will wipe the smile off her face. She goes back to the T-Room. Penny, finding herself at a loose end, decides to go and look for the sunstone. She goes into the next room and finds a rope ladder hanging down from the bell tower, so she climbs it.

In the T-Room, T-Shirt is slagging T-Bag off for having another useless idea. She sees in the saucer that Penny is up the tower and that she finds all the stolen treasure up there. Rasputin appears behind her, grabs her and ties and gags her. As he is tying her, he explains that he has asked the Tsarina to marry him and that she has said yes. He tells Penny that she will be left there for about a month.

T-Bag sees this and has an idea.

The Tsarina is sizing up a wedding dress. Rasputin comes in and the Tsarina tells him to go and fetch a priest. He does so. T-Bag and T-Shirt appear dressed once again as Cossacks. She sends T-Shirt off to get into another costume. Meanwhile, she approaches the Tsarina with a parcel, telling her that it is a wedding gift from all the Cossacks in the palace. The Tsarina is touched and opens the box. A boxing glove flies out and wallops her on the nose, causing her to slump to the floor, unconscious. T-Bag take her and ties her up in the bell tower with Penny.

T-Shirt and Raputin arrive for the wedding. Needless to say, T-Shirt is dsiguised as a priest. T-Bag appears in a wedding dressed with a really eavy veil so you can't see her face. She holds up cards with writing on instead of talking, using the excuse that she has lost her voice. Rasputin realises that if the Tsarina can't speak, she can't say "I Do" and so they can't be wed. T-Bag holds up a card telling Rasputin that he must cure her.

In the meantime, Penny is struggling in the belltower and she notices that there is a lit candle in the bell tower that T-Bag had left. She tries to burn through her bonds with the candle, but she knocks it over and it begins to burn through the rope suspending the bell.

Rasputin is deep into trying to heal T-Bag with his sunstone, when T-Bag gives T-Shirt the say so and T-Shirt knocks him over the head with his Bishops mace. T-Bag grabs the stone and rushes into the bell tower to crow at Penny. She starts to ring the bell to deafen the captured girl, but the rope snaps and the bell falls on her.

Later, the Tsarina is reinstated on her throne whilst Rasputin grovels at her feet begging for mercy. The Tsarina then says that she will deal with him later and makes her wat to the next room to find Penny searching amongst the wreckage. She finds the sunstone, which the Tsarina allows her to have with her blessing and thanks.

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