arrives in merry England.
Queen is in her throne room, torturing one of her dolls, which she
has locked in stocks and is pelting it with fruit because she is convinced
that the doll has hidden Mr. Heffalump, her favourite cuddly elephant.
sees her in the saucer and sees that she has the gold ring as an earring.
in the throne room, the Queen has hanged the Doll. Polly comes in
and notices the gold ring. The Queen asks if Polly has seen Mr. Heffalump.
Polly spots him behind a cushion on the throne. The Queen is so grateful
that she offers to give Polly anything she wants as a rewards. Polly
asks for the ring, and the Queen agrees so long as she takes Mr. Heffalump
and tucks him into bed. "And don't forget his hottle wattle bottle,
or I may just have to chop your head off!", the Queen warns Polly.
She then gives Polly directions to the bedroom and she sets off. As
she leaves the room, Sir Walter Pistol comes in and greets the Queen,
but the Queen is trying to swat a fly.
kisses her on the hand and tells her that he has seen many wonderous
things on his adventures, but none as beautiful as her face. The Queen
isn't impressed and tells him to make with the presents. He presents
her with a brown, hard lump. Here is the converstaion that follows:
Are you taking the Mick, Pistol, or what? What is it?
It's a potato, Ma'am.
A potatomarm? What's a potatomarm?
Not a potatomarm, Ma'am. A potato, Ma'am.
That's what I said.
No, Ma'am. You said a potatomarm, Ma'am.
Oh, shut up! Never mind what it's called, what does it do?
It doesn't do anything.
Tsk! Typical of a man! You splash out on a new boat for him and then
he goes swanning off around the world for five years, and what does
he bring you back? A potatomarm that doesn't do anything! Not so much
as a stick of rock. Nothing!
he tells the Queen that you eat the potato, so she snatches it off
him and takes a big bite. She spits it out and accuses him of trying
to poison her. She locks him up in her dungeon.
sees all this in the saucer and sends T-Shirt to shower the Queen
in presents in return for the ring.
the throneroom, T-Shirt tells the Queen that he has been around the
world and brought back a load of pressies. He has a massive box that
the Queen rips open. The present inside is a large, NICAM stereo,
teletext, remote control TV set. The Queen asks him what it does,
and he tells her to sit back and feast her eyes. He goes to plug it
in, but, of course, there are no electricity sockets, what with it
being 1578, and all. He then goes back to the T-Room, taking the TV
finds her way into the dungeon on her way to Mr. Heffalumps bedroom.
She finds Walter Pistol chained to a wall. She asks him what he is
doing, and he feeds her some story about doing his exercises when
he got stuck in the equipment. He asks her to release him and tellas
her that the keys are in the dungeon with him. She obliges.
meanwhile, is telling T-Shirt off over his blunder. She then sees
Polly rescuing Pistol from the dungeon. This gives her an idea.
Queen is sitting in her throne room. T-Bag comes in dressed as a jester
and starts telling jokes about a Queen that dies and gets buried.
The Queen tells her that she doesn't like jokes about death. T-Bag
tells her that she won't have to put up with it for much longer. The
Queen then guesses that there may be a murder plot going on. T-Bag
then lets on that Polly is plotting to kill her. Polly then comes
in and the Queen then captures her and locks her in the dungeon. The
Queen then leaves the dungeon and Pistol creeps out of the shadows
and asks Polly if she wants to join his plot to kill the Queen. Polly
refuses vehemently. Pistol then leaves her in the dungeon and goes
to the throne room, where he measures the number of paces from the
door of the room to the throne. He hides behind the door when the
Queen comes in yelling to the guards to find Pistol and feed him to
and T-Shirt arrive disguised as torturers. They tell the Queen that
they are freelance torturers and they have a special deal on at the
moment for the price of an earring. The Queen is interested in this
and agrees. She tells them to go and torture Polly.
the dungeon, Pistol is measuring the paces from the door to a point
directly below the Queen's throne. He then stacks up a load of barrels
of gun powder. Polly asks him what he is doing and he tells her that
he is going to blow up the Queen. He lights the fuse and makes his
escape. Polly starts crying for help.
appears and mocks Polly. They search her for the bag, but the Queen
has taken it. Polly tells them that the bag is in one of the barrels.
T-Bag takes all the barrels of gun powder back to the T-Room, where
they are blown to bits.
Queen comes in to watch Polly being tortured, and is really annoyed
when they are not there. Polly tells the Queen that she has just saved
her life, but he Queen doesn't believe her. She goes off to the back
of the dungeon to get her torture equipment to torture Polly herself.
When she is away, Pistol comes in and asks what has happened to the
gunpowder and announces that he will have to find another way of killing
the Queen. The Queen hears this and releases Polly. She locks up Pistol,
give Polly her rings back and then gives her the earring. She then
goes off to play tiddlywinks with Mr. Heffalump.