The T-Room
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T-Bag and the Rings of Olympus

Episode 6 (Exit with a Puff)

First Transmitted 11.2.1991

 
 

Starring:

Matt Zimmerman as Max Clapper

Marlene Mackay as Delores Clapper


 

In his office, Hollywood mogul, Max Clapper, is sorting through a pile of photos looking for the perfect actress for his new blockbuster movie, "Exit with a Puff". His wife, Delores comes in with some coffee for him. She offers to play the part for him, but Max says that Scarlet is supposed to be fourteen. Max isn't impressed, and Delores is disappointed because she hasn't had a part in the movies for ages.

In the T-Room, T-Bag sees Max going through the photos and sees that he has the next ring - his monacle. She decides to sit and watch to see how the land lies.

In his office, Delores tells Max that she's sure that the perfect scarlet will walk into his office that morning.

T-Bag sees an opening. T-Shirt predicts that her wonderful idea will be to dress up and audition for the part, getting the gold ring as her fee. T-Bag says that she was actually planning to hit him over the head with a baseball bat, but she thinks T-Shirt's idea has merit. T-Shirt tells her that he should go first to soften Max up a bit.

In the studio, Max gets on the phone to see if there is any news from the casting people about Scarlet. There isn't. T-Shirt turns up as a sleezy agent. He tells Max that he has the perfect actress for him - Tabatha de Bag. Max asks if she is young and pretty and asks for a picture of her. T-Shirt says that he'll have a picture on his desk ASAP.

Back in Max's office, Delores is on the phone to a friend. Polly comes in. Delores sees her and is instantly spellbound. She tells Polly that she would be perfect for Scarlet. Polly sees the monacle in a picture and is keen to take the part. Delores gets on the phone to Max, but Max doesn't take any notice, as he thinks that he has already found the perfect actress. Delores tells Polly that they must take a photo of her to show Max.

T-Shirt is taking a picture of T-Bag, and she puts on a really cheesy grin.

In the studio, Max finds an envelope with a photo of Polly in it. He is overwhelmed, and assumes that it is Tabatha de Bag. T-Shirt appears and tells him that he is there about his client. Max tells him that she has got the part. T-Shirt is puzzled, but Max shoves a script into his hand and marches off. T-Shirt enquires about the fee. Max asks if she wants up to $5000,000 a week. T-Shirt says that she just wants the monacle. Max is puzzled, but agrees.

T-Bag reads through the script in the T-Room, and is really, really wooden.

The next time we see her, she is on set, giving the most overacted performance ever. She succeeds in ripping her dress and knocking down half the set. Max is furious and demands to see T-Shirt. He tells T-Shirt that the picture he saw must have been taken fifty years ago. T-Bag asks what he thought of the performance. "Madam, a word has not yet been invented to adequately describe your performance." he says. T-Bag thinks that this is a huge compliment.

Back in the office, Delores is puzzled because Max has not called back about Polly. She is really cross. Max comes storming into the office yelling that some "jumped up brat of an agent" showed him a picture of the perfect Scarlet and then tried to pass off "some old turkey" as the same girl. He then notices Polly and Delores realises that there has been a mix up. Max is over the moon, and starts to offer Polly astounding amounts of money to star in the film. Polly tells him that all she wants is the monacle. Max thinks that he is going deaf, but agrees.

Polly is next seen on the set in costume. Max tells her that she looks fantastic and that it is going to be a fantastic movie. He starts going into transports of ecstasy about the battle scene that he has lined up, with huge explosions and everything. They start shooting, and Polly gives the performance of a lifetime. It is the same scene as the one T-Bag did, but far more professional (needless to say). T-Bag appears in the middle of the performance an bawls everyone out. T-Shirt is furious with Max because he promised the part to Tabatha de Bag. As a huge row blows up on set, there is a phone call for Max from his Red Butter actor. Apparently he walked out on the film. T-Shirt sees his opportunity and offers to play the part in exchange for the monacle. Max agrees.

Once T-Shirt is suited up, Max shouts "Action!" and the cameras start rolling. Polly carries on with the scene and T-Shirt makes his entrance. Once she appears, Polly decks him. She starts arguing with him about who gets the monacle. T-Bag gets sick of it and conjurs up a baseball bat, saying she should have done this in the first place. She whacks Max over the head with it and grabs the ring. She tehn goes into raptures about how clever she is and called T-Shirt an idiot and sends him back to the T-Room. Whilst she is giving this speech, Polly notices that she is standing on one of the charges for the battle scene. She blows it up and the whole studio is in ruins. She grabs the monacle.

Max says that he's had it with the movie and wants to make something else instead. He sees T-Bag emerging from the wreckage, looking dishevelled. He has an inspiration and tells Delores that she can star in his next movie, "The Bride of Frankenstein".

 

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