his office, Hollywood mogul, Max Clapper, is sorting through a pile
of photos looking for the perfect actress for his new blockbuster
movie, "Exit with a Puff". His wife, Delores comes in with
some coffee for him. She offers to play the part for him, but Max
says that Scarlet is supposed to be fourteen. Max isn't impressed,
and Delores is disappointed because she hasn't had a part in the movies
the T-Room, T-Bag sees Max going through the photos and sees that
he has the next ring - his monacle. She decides to sit and watch to
see how the land lies.
his office, Delores tells Max that she's sure that the perfect scarlet
will walk into his office that morning.
sees an opening. T-Shirt predicts that her wonderful idea will be
to dress up and audition for the part, getting the gold ring as her
fee. T-Bag says that she was actually planning to hit him over the
head with a baseball bat, but she thinks T-Shirt's idea has merit.
T-Shirt tells her that he should go first to soften Max up a bit.
the studio, Max gets on the phone to see if there is any news from
the casting people about Scarlet. There isn't. T-Shirt turns up as
a sleezy agent. He tells Max that he has the perfect actress for him
- Tabatha de Bag. Max asks if she is young and pretty and asks for
a picture of her. T-Shirt says that he'll have a picture on his desk
in Max's office, Delores is on the phone to a friend. Polly comes
in. Delores sees her and is instantly spellbound. She tells Polly
that she would be perfect for Scarlet. Polly sees the monacle in a
picture and is keen to take the part. Delores gets on the phone to
Max, but Max doesn't take any notice, as he thinks that he has already
found the perfect actress. Delores tells Polly that they must take
a photo of her to show Max.
is taking a picture of T-Bag, and she puts on a really cheesy grin.
the studio, Max finds an envelope with a photo of Polly in it. He
is overwhelmed, and assumes that it is Tabatha de Bag. T-Shirt appears
and tells him that he is there about his client. Max tells him that
she has got the part. T-Shirt is puzzled, but Max shoves a script
into his hand and marches off. T-Shirt enquires about the fee. Max
asks if she wants up to $5000,000 a week. T-Shirt says that she just
wants the monacle. Max is puzzled, but agrees.
reads through the script in the T-Room, and is really, really wooden.
next time we see her, she is on set, giving the most overacted performance
ever. She succeeds in ripping her dress and knocking down half the
set. Max is furious and demands to see T-Shirt. He tells T-Shirt that
the picture he saw must have been taken fifty years ago. T-Bag asks
what he thought of the performance. "Madam, a word has not yet
been invented to adequately describe your performance." he says.
T-Bag thinks that this is a huge compliment.
in the office, Delores is puzzled because Max has not called back
about Polly. She is really cross. Max comes storming into the office
yelling that some "jumped up brat of an agent" showed him
a picture of the perfect Scarlet and then tried to pass off "some
old turkey" as the same girl. He then notices Polly and Delores
realises that there has been a mix up. Max is over the moon, and starts
to offer Polly astounding amounts of money to star in the film. Polly
tells him that all she wants is the monacle. Max thinks that he is
going deaf, but agrees.
is next seen on the set in costume. Max tells her that she looks fantastic
and that it is going to be a fantastic movie. He starts going into
transports of ecstasy about the battle scene that he has lined up,
with huge explosions and everything. They start shooting, and Polly
gives the performance of a lifetime. It is the same scene as the one
T-Bag did, but far more professional (needless to say). T-Bag appears
in the middle of the performance an bawls everyone out. T-Shirt is
furious with Max because he promised the part to Tabatha de Bag. As
a huge row blows up on set, there is a phone call for Max from his
Red Butter actor. Apparently he walked out on the film. T-Shirt sees
his opportunity and offers to play the part in exchange for the monacle.
T-Shirt is suited up, Max shouts "Action!" and the cameras
start rolling. Polly carries on with the scene and T-Shirt makes his
entrance. Once she appears, Polly decks him. She starts arguing with
him about who gets the monacle. T-Bag gets sick of it and conjurs
up a baseball bat, saying she should have done this in the first place.
She whacks Max over the head with it and grabs the ring. She tehn
goes into raptures about how clever she is and called T-Shirt an idiot
and sends him back to the T-Room. Whilst she is giving this speech,
Polly notices that she is standing on one of the charges for the battle
scene. She blows it up and the whole studio is in ruins. She grabs
says that he's had it with the movie and wants to make something else
instead. He sees T-Bag emerging from the wreckage, looking dishevelled.
He has an inspiration and tells Delores that she can star in his next
movie, "The Bride of Frankenstein".