arrives at a port in the Carribean, riddled with pirates.
the T-Room, T-Shirt is putting a new twist on a cup of tea by making
them into cocktails. T-Bag is not impressed until T-Shirt implies
that it is too sophisticated for her. She grabs it and downs it very
rapidly and then orders another one.
is ambushed at the docks by a pirate called Rum Barbara. She steals
the rings off her and throws her bag away. Polly rushes after her
bag, but when she turns around again, Barbara has gone. She makes
her way into a bar where Mr Bacardi offers her a drink and then inquires
as to why she looks so miserable. When Polly tells her that she has
been robbed, Mr. Bacardi is extremely interested and it is soon revealed
that he is in love with Rum Barbara and wants to marry her, but they
have never met. He tell Polly that Barabara rons the rich to give
to the poor. He gives her a drink on the house, but his serving wench,
Netty, is not around to serve her. He shouts her downstairs.
at the T-Room, T-Shirt sees that Polly has been robbed. He tells T-Bag
what has happened, but T-Bag is catatonic, having had one too many
cocktails. He gives her some coffee.
at the bar, Polly goes on her way.
has now recovered and decides to disguise herself as a really wealthy
person and try to attract Barbara, so that she could get T-Shirt to
clobber her with a gigantic hammer and grab the rings. T-Bag starts
waving a massive suitcase full of jangly money and shouting out about
how rich she is.
the bar, Netty is teling Mr. Bacardi how she doesn't nuderstand how
he can be in love with a fantasy. She tells him that he could be in
love with someone who really cares, like herself. Mr. Bacardi laughs
at her when he hears this, and she cries. T-Bag bursts in and asks
him to change a banknote worth some exorbitant amount of money because
she has her luxury gold plated galleon double parked outside on a
meter. When he can't change the note, she tells him that it is the
curse of being so rich. She grabs the note back off him and uses it
to dry her tears and blow her nose on. She puts her bag on his bar
and tell him that if she scratches it, she will buy him a new inn.
She explains that she has to be cautious because there are always
robbers around to nick your cash. She goes back into the street shouting
that she hopes that there are no pirates around who might want to
steal her money.
Barbara appears and taps her on the shoulder. T-Bag calls to T-Shirt,
but by the time he goes to hit Barbara, she moves out of the way and
he wallops T-Bag on the foot.
in the bar, T-Bag comes back into the bar dressed as a really poor
old hag. Mr. Bacardi recognises her as the rich woman and asks what
happened. She explains that she invested all her cash in Bobby Charleton's
patent hair restorer. She tells him that if he sees Rum Barbara, to
ask her to sling her some cash. She hobbles back out into the street.
T-Shirt comes in shortly after and asks Netty where he can find Rum
Barbara. Netty tells him that she just left dressed as an old baggarwoman
walking with a limp. He rushes out and bashes the old woman with the
mallet. He pins her down and demands the rings, but then he finds
out that he has bashed T-Bag again. He escapes to the T-Room.
the bar, Netty overhears Mr. Bacardi (Oscar) reading out a love letter
that he has written to Barbara. She thinks that he is talking to her,
and agrees to marry him, but he then points out that he was reading.
She starts crying again. Polly comes in and Mr.Bacardi asks if she
has found her. Polly hasn't. Mr. Bacardi rolls up his letter and seals
it with a gold ring and waves it in Polly's face telling her that
once she has read the letter, she will be up the ailse faster than
a rat up a drainpipe. He rushes out to find Barbara and Polly rushes
sees the ring in the saucer and decides to disguise herself as a pirate
and impersonate Barbara (because he has never met her) to get the
letter. She makes T-Shirt to get into a barrel.
is trying to persuade Oscar to give her the ring. Oscar refuses and
threatens to give her a clip around the ear. Oscar dashes off and
Polly goes to follow him, but T-Bag appears, so she hides instead.
T-Shirt pops up out of the barrel and asks what his part is. T-Bag
tells him that as long as he stays in the barrel, he won't muck up
the plan. T-Bag goes looking for Oscar. Whilst she is away, Polly
pushes T-Shirt in the barrel into the sea. She then hides in another
barrel next to where T-Shirt's was.
returns calling for Barbara. T-Bag hobbles in screexhing in Priate
cliches. Oscar isn't convinced about her authenticity, but he gives
her the letter. She takes the ring off it and throws the letter on
the floor. He figures out that she isn't Rum Barbara. The Real Barbara
appears and callenges her to a sword fight. T-Bag gives the ring to
Polly thinking that she is T-Bag. Barbara and T-Bag then engage in
what I can only describe as the most unconvincing and half-hearted
sword fight that I've ever seen on television, accompanied by really
dramatic, swash buckling music. It's really quite hysterical to watch.
One of those "T-Bag" moments that make this series such
T-Bag gets cornered by Barbara and then zaps her sword away. Barbara
then pulls out her musket and aims at T-Bag. T-Bag zaps it and it
wobbles around uncontrollably. Barbara then shoots and the shot severs
the rope that is suspending the inn's sign. The sign falls to the
ground, knocking T-Bag on the head on its way.
emerges from the barrel holding the ring. She thanks T-Bag, who goes
back to the T-Room. Oscar gets really excited and starts shouting
to Netty to come and meet Barbara. He proposes to Barbara. Barbara
then takes off her wig to reveal that she IS Netty and asks if he
stilll wants to marry her. Oscar says yes, but Netty tells him to
get lost and goes off to sea after giving the rings back to Polly.
Polly tells Oscar to go after her if he really loves her, and he does.