The T-Room
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T-Bag and the Pearls of Wisdom

Episode 10 (The Pearls of Wisdom)

First Transmitted 6.3.1990



Ivan Beavis as Captain Cockle


At the Foreign Legion fort, the children are preparing to go and find Captain Cockle in square one of the game. They are about to leave, when T-Bag appears very slowly in front of them and tells them that they are not going anywhere. They slip past her and run. T-Bag calls after them, warning them that she can beat them to square one by just snapping her fingers. She does this, but she only manages to fade slightly before reappearing. She curses because her tea making is not up to scratch, which is why her power is failing. She then goes after them on foot.

There is then some lovely footage of T-Shirt and Sally running back though the squares of the board game, including Sherwood forest, the Egyptian Temple, and the street in London. Eventually they reach the Captain, who is becoming impatient. The Captain is concerned when he sees T-Shirt, but Sally reassures him. They give him an account of their adventures. Whilst they are doing this, T-Bag creeps in in the background, takes some clothes from the captains belongings and hides in an alleyway.

The Captain decides to waste no more time before they get rid of T-Bag and tells the children that he has hidden the compass on his boat. He sends them off to get it.

Whilst they are gone, T-Bag comes in disguised as a Captain and greets Captain Cockle. She tells him that she has just come back from a long voyage. She asks him if he has any souvenirs and then asks if she can have a look at the pearls. He hands them to her and she gets up with them as if to inspect them more closely.

The children come back and Sally asks where the pearls are. The Captain explains that he is showing them to the nice lady and she turns around and lifts the peak of her cap to reveal that she is T-Bag. She dashes off back to the T-Room.

Back in the T-Room, she gloats over how easy it was to get the pearls.

The Captain is kicking himself over how stupid he's been.

T-Bag decides to smash the pearls.

Back in the village, T-Shirt decides to go and brust in on T-Bag and get the pearls back, but Sally rubbishes the idea.

T-Bag discovers that she can't destroy the pearls.

The Captain jumps up saying that he has an idea, but he then tells the children that it wouldn't work and tells them to forget about it. T-Bag appears to gloat at the children. She tells them not to bother trying to get the pearls back because she has surrounded the lighthouse with landmines, barbed wire fences and a moat full of killer sharks. The children yell that they hate her. T-Bag revels in this and then asks the Captain hates her aswell, but he says that he only hates himself for getting them all into this mess in the first place. He then says that T-Bag was right all the time and that nobody should tangle with Tabatha Bag. He decides to go over to T-Bag's side. He tells the children to get lost.

T-Bag is impressed by this. Captain Cockle offers to go and work for her, much to the children's despair. The Captain pleads with her and then tempts her by saying that he makes a good cup of tea. T-Bag then takes him on and they go back to the T-Room.

At the T-Room, the Captain gets brewing. T-Bag tells him that the tea is okay.

That evening, T-Bag looks in the saucer and gloats because she can see the children looking miserable. She then decides to have an early night so that she can start taking over the world the following morning as fresh as a daisy. Captain Cockle assures her that nothing can stop her, but then puts in a remark about the pearls being the only thing. She assures him that they are well hidden, and he expresses his concern that hiding them is only a temporary measure and that she should destroy them. She tells him that she has tried, but he says that during the night, the magic of the pearls is weakened, as if they are sleeping. He makes T-Bag conjur up a grinder and she pops them in and tells him to get grinding. He tells her to tell the children what they are doing just to rub salt into the wound. She thinks that this is a lovely idea and turns away to speak through the saucer.

The children hear her and despair.

When T-Bag has finished her announcement, the captain has finshed grinding up the pearls and they are nothing more than a white powder. T-Bag then goes to bed, satisfied that nothing can stop her.

Sally and T-Shirt are filled with regret about what they could have done differently. Suddenly, the lighthouse starts flashing. T-Shirt sees this and recognises that the flashing is morse code. He starts to decipher the message.

T-Bag wishes the Captain goodnight. He reminds her that he has nowhere to sleep and asks her if he can have his belongings back. She agrees and magics his chest into the T-Room. She then returns to bed.

The Captain opens the chest and Sally and T-Shirt get out of it. Sally has the compass in her hand. Sally is relieved that he isn't on T-Bag's side at all. T-Shirt compliments him on the idea of sending the morse-code message to them telling them to hide in the chest. Sally asks if the pearls have really been destroyed, but the Captain tells her that he ground up his peppermints (that he has been scoffing all the way through the series). He gets the pearls out from his apron and starts laying them out on the compass. They then find that there is one missing, and he assumes that he must have dropped it. They start searching the floor, and T-Bag comes in. She captures them all, tying their hands behind their backs, and reveals that she wasn't convinced by the Captain's story about the pearls being weakened in the moonlight, so she kept one pearl back just in case.

Here is a transcript of the final speech:

T-Bag: Well, I've certainly learned something today, haven't I - trust no-one. Not a soul! From Now on it's going to be me. Me on my own, all alone. I will share my glory with no-one. And as for you Sally Smug-Faced Simpkins, I have a special fate in store for you. You're going to wish you were never born! And who will come to your rescue? Him (indicating Captain Cockle)? Him (indicating T-Shirt)? Or this little precious pearl perhaps? (She holds the pearl flat in her palm over the compass) This precious, wonderful global of goodness. I doubt it, don't you?

During the speech, T-Shirt, who is standing close next to Sally, manages to untie Sally's bonds. Sally then swiftly slaps T-Bag's hand upwards so the last pearl flies into the air in an arc, coming to land right in the centre of the compass on the empty space where it should be.

There is an odd, low pitched drone. A red glow envelopes the crystals and a bright globe of light rises from the compass and then explodes outwards to fill the T-Room. The light leaves the lighthouse and travels to the village centre where it hangs briefly and the air fills with sparkly lights. There is a heavenly choir singing and the sound of metallic chimes. The light then returns to the T-Room and a shaft of white light envelopes T-Bag. She screams and then vanishes.

Captain Cockle congratulates the children on destroying T-Bag and winning the game. We then have the classic ending, where Sally turns to thank T-Shirt, but he has vanished. She then turns to ask the Captain where he has gone, but the Captains has disappeared too. She then returns to the shop and Thomas comes in and acts as if nothing has happened. The series ends.


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