The T-Room
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T-Bag and the Pearls of Wisdom

Episode 9 (Play it Again, Sal)

First Transmitted 27.2.1990



Paul Bradley as Rick O'Shea

John Hollis as Beau Legge

Rick O'Shea is playing snakes and ladders for money in his bar with Beau Legge from the foreign legion fort. Every time Beau throws the dice, it comes up six so he always wins. Rick has lost everything to Beau apart from his mother's pearl engagement ring.

T-Bag is getting desparate. She is whinging about how Sally has all but one of the pearls. T-Shirt starts whinging because T-Bag is making him do all of the housework by hand rather than letting him do it by magic. T-Bag finds the pearl in the saucer decides to go and get it. She turns around and finds that T-Shirt is all set to go having used his magic to get the housework done. She goes to grab him, but he vanishes and appears behind him, startling her.

Back at Rick's bar, Beau Legg wins the ring off him and then returns to the fort.

T-Bag gets really ratty with T-Shirt and takes away his magic. T-Shirt decides to leave her. T-Bag asks her where he is going and he tells her that he wants to go somewhere that he can forget about her. She sends him to the foreign legion fort and then goes to find the pearl.

Sally arrives in the fort. Beau comes across her and turfs her out of the fort because he is a woman hater and women are forbidden in the fort. T-Shirt then appears and tells Beau that he wants to forget a woman. T-Shirt joins up.

T-Bag appears in Rick's bar. T-Bag tells him that she wants to play him at sankes and ladders, betting something dear to his heart. Rick agrees.

Back at the fort, T-Shirt is in uniform. Beau tells him that he will forget about women by working himself to a standstill. He makes him run around the courtyard fifty times.

T-Bag wins the game and Rick tells him that Fatima, his camel, is tethered out the back for her to collect as her prize. T-Bag demands to know where the pealr ring is and Rick tells her that it is up at the fort. She decides to go and find him, but Rick tells her that he is a woman hater.

Sally comes into the bar. Rick gets her a lemonade.

T-Shirt has finished running around the courtyard, but hasn't forgotten T-Bag. Beau responds to this by sending him on manouvers into the desert. He tells him to run out to an oasis 44 miles away and back again. T-Bag appears once T-Shirt has gone. Beau tells her to get out. T-Bag zaps him and his tone changes slightly and he asks her more politely. She then zaps him again and he insists that she stays because he has fallen head over heels in love with her. She asks him if he wants to play snakes and ladders, but he tells her to forget such childish pass-times because he is completely spellbound by her. He asks her to meet him at Rick's bar that evening. She agrees, but is repulsed by the man.

She goes back to the T-Room and calls to T-Shirt to make him a cup of tea, but he isn't there. She drinks the tea that she has made, but it is revolting. She pours it into the saucer, but her picture is useless because the tea was awful. It eventually clears up. to revel Beau on the phone to Rick. He is telling Rick to lay on a special evening for him and T-Bag because he plans to marry her and give her the engagement ring.

Rick tells Beau not to worry. He then gets busy making the arrangements. He tells Sally that some lucky lady is going to end up with a pearl on her finger that evening. Sally immediately becomes interested and volunteers as a singer for the bar that evening. Rick takes her on.

Beau is back at the fort ironing his uniform for the evening. T-Shirt returns and Beau tells him everything about meeting the beautiful woman of his dreams. He gets T-Shirt to iron his trousers. Whilst he is doing this, he finds that Beau keeps weighted dice in his trousers that always come up six.

Back at the bar, Sally is playing the piano whilst Rick is lighting candles and creating ambience. She sings:


Oh, they say that the desert is romantic.

I'm afraid that I don't understand

Because to me it's just so hot and gigantic,

And you've never seen quite so much sand!


Sand in your coffee and sand in your tea,

Sand in your sandwich, you've got to agree.

Sand in your sandles and sand in your hair,

When it comes to the desert, there's sand everywhere!


(8 bar instrumental)


And if you land in the desert,

The sand in the desert -

I've warned you, you'd better beware!


When Sally has finished, Rick hears Beau arrive outside. He comes in with T-Shirt. T-Shirt sees Sally at the piano and tells her that he has left T-Bag and he asks Sally if she has found the last pearl. She says that she knows that Beau has come to propose to some woman, but neither of them know who it is. They decide to ask the woman if they can have the pearl because she might be really nice.

T-Bag appears in an evening dress. Beau orders champagne for the pair of them. Sally guesses what has happened. Beau launches into a long romantic build up to his proposition, but T-Bag cuts him short and tells him to get on with it. He gives her the ring and Sally and T-Shirt cry out in despair. Beau asks when they will be wed, but she tells him she would never marry him.

Rick comes in with the champagne and asks if a toast is in order. T-Bag says that it definitely is. Rick pops the cork adn ir flies out and hits T-Bag straight in the mouth and she catches it between her teeth and falls over backwards into a chair. T-Shirt dashes out and grabs the pearl ring off her finger whilst she is disorientated. T-Bag goes back to the T-Room.

Beau grabs the ring back off T-Shirt and tells him that it is his. Sally pleads with him to let them have it, but he maintains that he won it fairly from Rick. T-Shirt then tells Rick that he uses weighted dice to win. Beau is then forced to give everything back that he has fleeced from Rick. Rick is so grateful to the children that he gives them the pearl. They set off back to find Captain Cockle.



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