The T-Room
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T-Bag and the Pearls of Wisdom

Episode 4 (Grimble and Squiffy)

First Transmitted 23.1.1990



John Cater as Ugly Grimble

Aubrey Woods as Lord Squiffington-Fopp

This is my favourite episode of this series! I love it.

Ugly Grimble runs a dress shop in the English Restoration period. He lets us know that he hasn't had a customer in weeks. Suddenly, Lord Squiffington-Fop comes in with a flourish. He is a bit of a dandy. He is welcomed into the shop by Grimble and told not to stand on the cat.

Squiffy has a problem, he has no pearl buttons for his jacket which are now the height of fashion. As a dedicated follower of fashion, he must have them. He shows Ugly the one pearl that he has. He explains that he is giving a grand masked ball that evening and he needs some more pearls or he will have to call it off. If he can find the pearls, then he will make Grimble a rich man. He then leaves Grimble with the jacket and the pearl and heads off to do some more shopping.

T-Shirt has taken up a new hobby. He now owns a flea circus. T-Bag thinks that this is a disgusting idea and tells him to stop wasting time.

Ugly is in his shop searching for some pearls amongst his buttons, but to no avail. He finds some moth balls and considers using them instead. Sally comes in and asks him if he has seen any pearls. She shows him the pearls that she has collected so far, and he takes them from her telling her that he is going to give them a little polish. He replaces them with the moth balls. He tells her that he hasn't seen anything like them and tells her to try next door.

T-Shirt is playing with his flea circus again. T-Bag comes in and tells him to put his fleas away. He puts them into a little wooden box. T-Bag sees that the pearls have been sewn onto Squiffy's jacket in the saucer and sets off to get it.

Squiffy comes into the shop and sees the jacket. He can't pay Grimble because he has left his money at the palace. He gives Ugly an invitation for him and a friend to the masked ball that evening so that he can be paid.

T-Bag then appears after Squiffy has left. T-Bag starts ordering Ugly about and starts rummaging through all his clothes. He takes T-Bag out the back. Sally comes in to sort Ugly out for nicking the pearls. She hears T-Bag shouting at him and hides in a rail of garments, but she leaves her bag on Grimble's worktop. T-Bag storms in and sees the bag. She grabs it and goes back to the T-Room. Sally then glares at Ugly.

T-Bag is back at the T-Room celebrating.

Sally is giving ugly hell. She demands the pearls back, but Ugly says he's sold them to Squiffy, but refuses to tell her where he lives. He then walks off. Sally finds the invitation and notes the address.

T-Bag finds that the "pearls" in the bag are mothballs. She tells T-Shirt that he has been no help at all because he has been faffing around with the fleas. She goes to find Ugly. T-Shirt sees the pearls on Squiffy's jacket in the saucer and goes to get them, complete with box of fleas.

At the palace, T-Shirt appears and Squiffy welcomes him to the party, but fails to put a name to the face. T-Shirt introduces himself as Lord Teddington-Sprattt with three T's and a sandwich HA, HA! Squiffy offers him some refreshment and takes the box of fleas. He puts it down by another identical wooden box. Squiffy then gives him a mask. T-Shirt mentions the pearl buttons, and Squiffy flourishes them boasting about how they are the "very pinnacle of fashion". T-Shirt replies "Oh, yes. They certainly were!". Squiffy is shocked to hear this, and T-Shirt tells him that the latest fashion is no buttons at all. Squiffy tears off the pearls and puts them into the second wooden box by the fleas.

Sally arrives at the ball. T-Shirt puts on his mask when he sees her and dashes out of the room. She introduces herself to Squiffy.

T-Bag is in the shop yelling at ugly and she finds out that he has sold the pearls to Squiffy. She demands to go to the masked ball with him and then falls over the cat.

Sally and Squiffy are dancing a minuet together. Squiffy's jacket gives way at the seems. T-Shirt tries to get the pearls back, but Sally notices him and chases him out of the room. Squiffy takes off his jacket and puts it away before T-Bag and Ugly sail into the room. T-Bag introduces herself as Lady Toffington-Bag and curtseys so low that she falls flat on her backside. Grimble asks where Squiffy's jacket is and Squiffy asks if he can repair it. He hands him the jacket and Ugly tells him to go and mingle. Whilst he is away, T-Bag demands the pearls from the jacket, but they have gone. T-Bag starts beating him up and chases him out of the room. She bumps into T-Shirt who tells her where the pearls are. She make him go back to the T-Room, but he wants to collect his fleas. T-Bag doesn't allow him to finish speaking, so she doesn't find out that they are there. T-Shirt goes back to the T-Room.

Sally rushes in and T-Bag tells her that she knows where the pearls are. She sails over to the box, but opens the one with the fleas in. Squiffy comes in and asks if anyone knows the latest dance steps. T-Bag starts scratching and waving her arms around to a jazzed up piece of baroque music. Squiffy gazes on admiringly. T-Bag the goes back to the T-Room.

We then skip a bit of time. Squiffy is giving the pearls to Sally. He then turns on Grimble and tells him off for stealing them. He refuses to pay for the work and dismisses Grimble. He turns excitedly to Sally and tells her that they just have time to practise the latest dance craze before the rest of the guests arrive. He starts waving his arms around and writhing uncontrollably to the same piece of baroque music, as a bemused Sally looks on.


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