The T-Room
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T-Bag and the Pearls of Wisdom

Episode 3 (Elementary, My Dear What-Not)

First Transmitted 16.1.1990



Jo Warne as Lady Ruffles

Roger Sloman as Police Constable Clodd

Sally arrives in Victorian London.

T-Shirt is in the T-Room looking through the TV listings. T-Bag decides to relax because Sally is having no luck finding the next pearl. T-Shirt decides that they should watch "The Hound of the Baskervilles" on the TV. He puts the TV on and give T-Bag some popcorn. T-Bag starts whinging about how boring the film is, but soon becomes engrossed.

Sally meets PC Clod, the policeman. She tells him that she is lost. Whilst she is explaining what she is doing, Lady Ruffles walks by with her dog, Willoughby and wishes them good afternoon. Sally notices that the dog has a pearl collar on with the pearl. She rushes after Lady Ruffles, but she tells her that she has to get Willoughby to bed.

T-Bag is becoming terrified of the hound in the film, believing that it is a ghost hound. T-Shirt switches off the film because he has solved the crime. He explains to T-Bag about how obvious it was, and she agrees so as not to look like an idiot. T-Shirt leaves the room and she switches the TV back on.

In her house, Lady Ruffles is spoiling her dog rotten when there is a knock at the door. It is Sally.

T-Shirt creeps in behind T-Bag and scares her with a hairy hand. T-Bag throws popcorn everywhere because she thinks that it is the hound. She goes to lie down in the bedroom. T-Shirt sees the pearl and goes after it.

Sally has explained the quest, and Lady Ruffles is about to give her the pearl, but a bell sounds and we see that T-Shirt is clanging it and shouting that there is a fire and that everyone should evacuate. Sally and Ruffles run to the window, and whilst they are looking out, T-Shirt appears behind them and steals Willoughby. When she sees that Willoughby has disappeared, she gets worried.

T-Shirt puts the dog on T-Bag's couch and goes off to find him some food.

Lady Ruffles rushes into the street screaming that Willoughby has disappeared. She reports it to PC Clod. PC Clod says that he doesn't own a dog himself, but he's sure it is normal for them just to take themselves off for walks every now and again. Lady Ruffles isn't convinced and offers a reward of 100 guineas for his safe return. Sally asks Clod if he really thinks that the dog has wandered off on his own, but Clod then tells her that there has been a spate of dog-nappings going on lately. Sally isn't convinced.

T-Bag comes into the T-Room and sees the dog on the couch. T-Shirt comes in and T-Bag tells him off because she thinks that it is another practical joke and that Willoughby is supposed to be the Hound of the Baskervilles (he is a lap dog). T-Bag zaps him back to where he came from, without letting T-Shirt get a word in edgeways.

Lady Ruffles is having no luck finding her dog. Sally goes to look in the house and finds Willoughby back on his bed. Lady Ruffles is overjoyed. She offers the reward, but Sally wants the pearl. Lady Ruffles takes the collar off and goes upstairs to get another one before giving Sally the pearl.

Back in the T-Room, T-Shirt has broken the news to T-Bag about what she has just done and that it could have been prevented if only she'd listen to him. She decides to go and get the dog back.

Back at Lady Ruffles house, somebody knocks on the door. Sally answers, but there is no one there. She steps out to see if there is anyone around, and the door slams shut behind her. Lady Ruffles comes downstairs and finds that Willoughby has gone missing again. She rushes out into the street and reports it to Clod. Sally comes back and Clod and Ruffles accuse her of being negligent and letting Willoughby escape.

Lady ups the reward to 500 guineas.

T-Bag reckons that there is something fishy going on and decides to do some detective work. She goes to Lady Ruffles house disguised as the world famous detective Shirley Holmes, with her assistant Dr. Whatsit. She says that she will find the dog if she can have the little pearl on the collar. Lady Ruffles agrees, and T-Bag starts looking around. She suddenly exclaims, "Just as I thought!". The others wonder what she has found, but she hasn't found anything. She explains that if she had found a red hair, then the dog thief could have been a red headed person, but because she found nothing, she has deduced that the theif must be bald. T-Shirt disagrees, but they rush off in search of more clues.

As the trail hots up, T-Bag finds one foot print and deduces that the theif is one legged. She then finds a feather and reckons that it has come from a parrot. What kind of one legged person owns a parrot? A Pirate. She puts all the clues together and describes the dog-Thief to Ruffles as a bald headed, left handed, left legged Australian trombone playing pirate. She asks if it rings any bells. Needless to say, it doesn't. T-Shirt then takes over the investigation.

Sally comes round a corner and finds PC Clod picking Willoughby up out of a bin and giving him dog biscuits from his pocket. She hides. It turns out that the policeman is waiting for the reward to go up to 1000 guineas before he gives the dog back.

T-Bag goes back to Ruffles's house and announces that she can reveal the whereabouts of the dog. The PC goes into the house with her, worried. T-Bag announces that Willoughby is with a family of Bulgarian acrobats residing aboard a leaky boat 3.5 miles off the shores of Madagascar. Lady Ruffles is not impressed and puts up the reward to 1000 guineas. The PC seizes his chance and take Lady Ruffles out into the street to the bin, telling her that his own investigations have lead him to it. He opens the bin with a flourish, but the is no dog. Sally comes in holding Willoughby and announces that Clod is the thief and that he was waiting to pick up the reward money. The policeman denies it, but Sally points out that his pockets are full of dog biscuits, even though he admitted earlier that he doesn't own a dog. PC Clod arrests himself, just as T-Shirt rushes in, announcing that he knows that the PC did it. T-Bag is furious with him for being too slow and they go back to the T-Room. Lady Ruffles gives the pearl to Sally, who suggests donating the reward money to a dog's home.

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