Elizabeth is sitting in the throne room when Will Wagadagger walks in.
The Queen asks him how the new play is going, and he tells her that
it is fine. She shows him the reward that he will get as payment. It
is a bunch of treasure including the last spoon.
is in the T-Room listening to loud music. T-Bag comes in and tells him
off for wasting time. He tells her that he is bored with these endless
quests and that they are completely pointless because they never win.
He returns to listening to his radio. She gets rid of it, so he brings
it back. She gets rid of it again, and he brings it back. She then gets
really annoyed, gets rid of the radio and takes away his magic. She
then looks in the saucer and sees the Queen. She tells T-Shirt that
she wants him to go and scout around for the girl and the spoon. T-Shirt
hasn't been listening because he is wearing his personal stereo. T-Bag
gets annoyed and tells him to go and annoy the Queen instead, and zaps
gets back to his rehearsal ground to find a note from his troupe of
actors that says that they have all gone off to work for William Shakespear
who pays them more. Sally appears behind him and he asks if she wants
to be in the play, but she refuses.
Queen is interrogating T-Shirt about where he came from. He tells her,
but she doesn't believe him. He then says that he will leave her in
peace and puts on his stereo and goes to leave. She demands to know
what he has put on and he explains that it plays music. She doesn't
believe him, thinking that it is played like a musical intrument, so
he demonstrates and shows her how to dance to his pop music. He switches
it off and she confiscates it because she likes it so much.
sees that the Queen has the spoon.
finds Will and offers to be in his troupe. Will accepts him and casts
him as a wounded messenger.
finds the last spoon in the throneroom and grabs it. The Queen catches
her and calls the guards, but Sally escapes through the window.
comes out in costume and learns his line in front of Will, but Will
is not overly impressed. T-Shirt then finds out that he has got to play
all of the other parts apart from the lead, including te part of the
Lady Ophelia (which he refuses to play).
appears in the T-Room and poses as a lady in waiting. She bustles around
and goes over to the treasure and offers to clean it away. The Queen
agrees. T-Bag finds that the spoon is missing, but the Queen has hold
of it. The Queen puts it in the casket and carries it off with her saying
that it is promised to Will Waggadagger. T-Bag starts to formulate another
comes out in the costume of Lady Ophelia, feeling like a wally. Will
gives him his lines to learn. Sally comes in and starts laughing at
T-Shirt. He tells her that he has left T-Bag and she asks if he fancies
collecting the last spoon with her. He agrees.
sees in the saucer that Will wants actors for his play. Since he does
not specify that he also wants actresses, she diguises herself as a
male actor and finds Will. She demands to be in her play. He casts her
as the Lady Ophelia on the provision that she gets rid of her beard
and moustache. T-Bag goes off to learn her lines. T-Shirt and Sally
arrive and T-Shirt says that Sally will play Lady Ophelia. Will tells
them that the part has been taken, but accepts Sally and tells them
to share out the other parts between them. Will tells them to take all
the props to the palace. Sally then realises that the Queen will see
Queen is sitting in the Throneroom, playing on her lute and singing:
midsummer muse doth pay a call and offer this suggestion:
music be the food of love, prepareth for indigestion.
Boogie! Yeah! Yeah!
on get down, get groovy!
boogie, catch my soul!
funky little rhythm, Baroque and roll!
a hey nonnie, nonnie the melody is bonnie!
Boogie! Yeah! Yeah!
Boogie! Shambam! Shabam!
Boogie! OOOOOHHH, YYEEEEAAAAAHHHH!
Sally decides that the best thing to do is to wear a fake beard when
in front of the queen.
play starts. I shall do a transcript:
Life and Death of the young Prince Jack.
- A meadow in merry England. The young Jack is a popular Prince, generous
to a fault. He loves his people and his people love him. Enter a country
(T-Shirt): Oo-ar! Oo-ar! Oo-ar!
(Will): Tell me, "oo-ar" you? Speak, man! What be thy name?
I be Ned Bumpkin sir, the local goose plucker.
Tell me, Ned, hath goose plucking made thee a wealthy man?
Nay, I be poor. I don't have two goats to rub together.
to T-Shirt: Not goats, lad, groats!
Then, pray accept this gift of 200 guineas.
as narrator: Yes, the Prince was known throughout the land as a kind
and thoughful person.
Look yonder my beloved prince. Her comes the Lady Ophelia!
stomps in muttering "About time too!" under her breath from
the wrong door.)
to T-Bag: T-BAG!
to T-Shirt: T-Shirt! What do you think you're playing at?
to them both: Stick to the script!
Time I was off to milk the pigs. Bye bye! (rushes off stage)
and T-Shirt realise that T-Bag has the same idea as they do about getting
Ophelia! Ophelia! Wherefore art thou Ophelia! A rose by any other name
would be a tulip or a daisy or a daffodil, but thou fair maid of all
the flowers in the garden are the biggest bloomer of the lot!
as Ophelia: 'Tis not a day for wooing, Jack.
What means the fair Ophelia?
Alas, we are at war!
War. The stormclouds gather over Europe my Prince. You must gurd (spelling?)
your loins and prepare to do battle!
I go to fight the French. Shed no tears for me dear heart, parting in
such sweet sorrow. Fear not, I'll duff 'em up real smart, be back again
and some French Soldiers (Sally and T-Shirt) are engaged in a sword
fight. The soldiers turn and flee.
Yes, run run you faint hearted rabbits, run! The young Prince Jack hath
outfoxed you all!
Back in England:
Oh, woe is me! I am undone. Ah, a messenger approacheth!
as messenger: (staggering with arrow through head) AARRRGHHH! Methinks
I am dead! (collapses)
After the War:
(Limping) I am back from the front!
Jack, you are wounded!
Tosh! 'Twas only a cannonball.
Oh, my Prince!
as Narrator: And so it is our play has run it's course. A horse! A horse!
My kingdom for a horse!
and Sally come in dressed as a pantomime cow and biff T-Bag out of the
way and the show ends.
The Queen congratulates Will on such a fine play. She lines them up
and pays them one by one. T-Shirt gets his stereo back. Sally comes
out from the cow and the Queen forgives her and gives her the spoon.
She gives Will the rest of the treasure and then they walk off together
discussing the play.
turns to gloat at T-Bag, but T-Bag has already gone. She and T-Shirt
then go to get changed and head back to the Temple. Sally hides the
bag under a pile of costumes and gets changed. It turns out that the
pile of costumes was actually T-Bags skirt that she was still wearing.
Th camera pans upwards, and we see T-Bags face sniggering quietly. She
then take the bag back to the T-Room. Sally hears the sound of T-Bag's
magic and guesses what has happened.
episode ends with T-Bag holding all the spoons like a fan and saying
"As Will Waggadagger might have said: All's well that ends well!"
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