The T-Room
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T-Bag and the Revenge of the T-Set

Episode 8 (La Boheme)

First Transmitted 21.2.1989



Peter Ledbury as Vincent Van Driver

John Savident as Monsieur Claude

T-Bag is having another cup of tea when she sees Monsieur Claude the art critic in the saucer examining the next spoon at a cafe. She is just about to go and get it, when T-Shirt comes in to change the calendar. He rips off the page to revela that the date is Friday the 13th. T-Bag immediately flies into a panic and says that she isn't going anywhere. T-Shirt doesn't swallow any of it.

Vincent Van Driver, an artist, arrives at the cafe and talks to Monsieur Claude and emplores him to come and visit his studio on the Rue de Noys to see his work. Claude casually agrees. Claude leaves and Van Driver sits down to eat his left-overs. Sally appears and looks appealingly at Vincent when she sees that he is eating. He offers to share. Whilst they are eating he does a quick sketch of Sally.

T-Bag disguises T-Shirt as an onion seller. She tells him to go to Claude at the Cafe and demonstrate his wares by cutting an onion open. Whilst his eyes are filled with tears, he is to hit him over the head with a French Stick and grab the spoon. T-Shirt rubbishes this idea, but T-Bag is adamant. He sets off.

Sally has explained her quest to Vincent, but he can't help her. He shows her the sketch, which is really lifelike. She takes her leave. T-Shirt appears and asks Vincent if he has seen Claude. Vincent tells him that he is dropping around to his studio that evening. T-Shirt then asks if he is an artist, and Vincent tells him that he is a poor, starving artist. T-Shirt then gives him some bread. Vincent offers him art lessons in return. T-Bag sees this and is amazed about how well he is doing on his own.

At the studio, we find T-Shirt and Vincent painting and singing a song:

A little dab of ochre, a tinge of salmon pink,

A modicum of mulberry, then indigo I think.

A trace of burnt sienna, a touch of Prussian blue,

A soupçon of vermilion. Oh, you can do it too!

Paint, paint, paint! Canvases galore!

How I love the artist's life. Painting je t'adore!

Paint, paint, paint! Canvases galore!

How I love the artist's life. Painting je t'adore!

He looks at T-Shirt's picture and thinks that it is a pizza, but it is a portrait of Vincent. T-Shirt asks Vincent what time Claude is coming, but Claude is very late, so Vincent assumes that he is not coming and goes out for a walk. T-Shirt stays behind to finish his painting.

Vincent meets Sally at the cafe and they sit and mope together because neither of them are having any luck.

T-Shirt decides to deface Vincent's portrait of Sally by painting on a beard and moustache, but just as he picks up the brush to do it, Claude sweeps into the room. He catches sight of T-Shirt's painting and shouts that Vincent's work is complete rubbish. He then sees T-Shirt standing with a brush in front of a brilliant picture of Sally and tells him that it is great art. He asks T-Shirt if he can buy it and tells him to name his price. T-Shirt says that sensitive artists do not deal in filthy, vulgar money, but if he were to be offered something small, and silver, he might be persuaded. Claude gives him a little silver box, which he is really disappointed with.

T-Bag is fuming in the T-Room because T-Shirt is taking such a long time to come home. She finds the ripped page of the calendar and becomes furious when she finds that T-Shirt has ripped off two pages at once, so the date is really Thursday the 12th.

T-Shirt and Claude arrive at the cafe and find Van Driver and Sally. Claude is annoyed with Vincent because he wasn't at the studio. He tells him that his paintings are the work of a monkey and that T-Shirt has a rare and beautiful gift. Sally finds this hard to believe.

Back at the studio, Vincent tries to see the virtue of T-Shirts painting and decides that it must be the style of the future and that he should adopt it immediately.

At the cafe, Claude tells T-Shirt that he wants to mount an exhibition of his paintings, and in return, he will give him the spoon. Sally hears this and follows Claude when he leaves.

Vincent has decided to burn all his paintings. T-Shirt tells him that he wants to buy a load of his portraits, but Vincent has only ever done the portrait of Sally. T-Shirt then tells him to get painting, but Vincent needs a model. T-Bag appears and T-Shirt tells her what is going on. She agrees to model for Vincent, who gets stuck in.

Sally tracks Claude down and tells him that she is the girl in the portrait and that he is being duped. Claude is very angry when he finds that Vincent painted the potrait. He rushes to the studio and finds Vincent finishing off teh portrait of T-Bag. He tell T-Shirt off for lying to him, and then notices that Vincent is working on a painting. When he sees the painting, he is horrified to see that it is similar to the one the T-Shirt did earlier. Claude then accuses Sally of lying and give the spoon to T-Shirt. Claude then leaves and Vincent follows him, having realised what has been going on.

T-Bag is gloating over the downfall of Sally and then a clock chimes midnight. T-Bag then realises that it is now Friday the 13th and she starts panicking. T-Shirt goes to pick up his paintings, but T-Bag tells him to leave them. He refuses and magics up a horseshoe to calm T-Bag down. As he throws it to her, she lets the spoon fall as she catches it. Sally picks up the spoon and walks out laughing.

Back at the cafe, Vincent shows Claude that the portrait has his signature on it. Claude is convinced and apologises and promises him the recognition he deserves.

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