The T-Room
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Turn on to T-Bag

Episode 7 (The Two Musketeers)

First Transmitted 16.2.1988



Aubrey Woods as Emil Fortoux/Scarlet Pimple

Andree Melly as Queen of France

The Queen is sitting in her garden eating cakes made by her faithful baker Emil Fortoux. Suddenly there is a cough and she turns around to see the dastardly Scarlet Pimple behind her. Apparently, she has been repeatedly robbed by this rogue over a long period of time. He sings:

They seek him here, they seek him there.

They cannot find him anywhere.

He's quick, he's sly; don't blink you're eye

You'll miss the Scarlet Pimple passing by!

Through Wind and Rain they search in vain.

Where has he gone? They can't explain.

He's quick, he's sly; don't blink your eye

You'll miss the scarlet Pimple passing by!

Look to and fro. Search high and low.

He's vanished! How?

Where is he now?

He's quick, he's sly; don't blink your eye

You'll miss the scarlet Pimple passing by!

He then makes her hand over her jewels and vanishes without trace.

T-Bag is sitting down to a big plateful of sticky buns, but she won't let T-Shirt have any because of his continued stupidity.

Emil comes into the garden to find the Queen in tears. She tells him what has happened, and he says how he would sort the Pimple out if he were younger. The Queen says how grateful she is that he forgot to take her most prized possesion - a crystal necklace that he overlooked. Emil returns to his kitchen to make some jam tarts.

Holly comes into his kitchen, and he tells her that he will arrange an audience with the Queen for her, if she could cut him the pastry for some tarts whilst he is taking some more cakes to the Queen.

Whilst with the Queen, he does this and retires to the kitchen once more. T-Bag and T-Shirt appear dressed as musketeers and promise the Queen that they will capture the Pimple if she would pay them with the crystal necklace. She agrees, but once they have left to find the Pimple, he appears and steals the necklace.

Emil comes back into the kitchen and tells Holly that the Queen will now see her. He then says to camera that he will make the fillling to the tarts particularly rich.

Holly hears from the Queen that she did have the necklace, but it was stolen by the Pimple. The Queen tells Holly that there are two Musketeers hot on his trail.

T-Bag and T-Shirt go into the kitchen as Emil is leaving. They start to look for clues. T-Shirt goes into the larder.

Emil tells the Queen that he has made some tarts that he is about to go and give to the poor people. She tells him that Holly should distribute them, whilst he brings her some custard cakes. He agrees reluctantly.

T-Shirt is in the larder stealing more jam tarts, when T-Bag looks in on him. When she does this, he hides them. Emil comes in to collect the custard cakes, and leaves, whinging about them looking in his kitchen. When he leaves, T-Shirt gets one of the tarts out and goes to eat it, but T-Bag refuses to let him, so she bites it herself, but nearly breaks her teeth on a diamond earring inside it. They work out that Emil has been putting them in.

They go to the Queen and demand that Emil should tell them what is going on. He tells her that Holly had made the tarts herself. Holly turns up and the Queen has T-Bag arrest her. T-Bag announces that Holly is the Violet Verruca who works hand in hand with the Scarlet Pimple.

Emil goes to lock her in the larder (which used to be the dungeon). T-Bag demands that the Queen should give her the crystal, but the Queen says that it has been stolen and must have been given to the poor. T-Bag is very happy to hear this.

Holly is left in the larder, and Emil tells her that he has got to go and try to round up the jewels. He leaves the key on a wooden spoon balanced on a cooking pot.

Back at the T-Room, T-Bag is so pleased about Holly's downfall, that she allows T-Shirt to have two buns. T-Shirt tells her that they will make up for the two tarts that he didn't have. T-Bag queries this and T-Shirt says that one of them was left in there. T-Bag realises that there is a chance that the crystal would be in that tart.

Holly finds the tarts, and sure enough, the crystal is in it. She starts to call for the Queen, who turns up and sees that she has the crystal. She doesn't believe that Holly has found the crystal, and she takes it as proof that Holly is in league with the Pimple.

The Queen shows the crystal to Emil.

Hollt escapes from the larder by throwing onions at the wooden spoon so that the key is catapulted to her.

Having seen that the crystal is recovered, T-Bag turns up and demands her reward. Emil tells her that the Pimple is still at large, so she gets no crystal. She throws a custard pie at Emil. As he is scraping off the custard, he also scrapes off his moustache to reveal that he is the Pimple. He goes to escape, but Holly hits him with a rolling pin and captures him. She claims the crystal as a reward.




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