The T-Room
Counter: 106

T-Bag Strikes Again

Episode 7 (Long John Sylvia)

First transmitted 8.10.1986




Jan Hunt as Long John Sylvia

Ronnie Brody as Jack Plugg


Debbie arrives on a sunsoaked beach.

T-Bag is telling T-Shirt off for squirting water pistols at him, and he is being cheeky back. T-Bag then develops a headache, so T-Shirt decides to play her some "soothing" music (which is actually thumping, death-rock on the radio). After the song is over, the announcer for "Radio Rif Raff" (a local pirate radio station) says that they are waiting for a guest singer later on.

Cut to the studio of Radio Riff Raff aborad a large ship. Long John Sylvia is announcing upcoming items before she sings a jingle:

If you're down in the mouth

And your heart has sank

And you're feeling like going out

And walking the plank,

Then you're much to down

In the dumps by half

To stay with jolly old Radio Riff Raff.

Her assistant, Jack, smashes all the records by accident, so Sylvia has to play the same death rock record again. She orders Jack to go ashore and look for the guest singer. He finds Debbie on the beach and assumes that she must be the singer, and asks for some help with some numbers (meaning musical numbers). Debbie assumes he means silver numbers and goes with him back to the ship.

Sylvia is playing the record yet again when they arrive. Debbie is a bit confused when they ask her to sing for them on air.

T-Shirt is listening in the T-Room. T-Bag is in bed. Debbie sings, "Blow the Man Down", so T-Shirt drags T-Bag out of bed, but by the time she gets to the radio, the death rock record is back on. She accuses T-Shirt of hearing things.

Debbie demands payment, assuming the silver number seven, but Sylvia and Jack have no money. They decide to keep her singing whilst they think up an excuse.

T-Bag and T-Shirt are rowing about hearing things. T-Shirt decides that if he is hearing things, then it must be because he is never allowed a holiday and is overworked. "Holiday!? I'll give you a holiday!" T-Bag shrieks and storms off. T-Shirt thinks that she means it and goes off on holiday.

Debbie realises that there has been a misunderstanding and goes back to shore to find T-Shirt relaxing in the sun. He gives her a drink and a deckchair and asks for her autograph. He asks her to be his friend because he doesn't have any others.

T-Bag discovers that he has gone and wonders if she has been a bit harsh on him. She goes looking for him and arrives on the ship. Sylvia and Jack think that she is a great artiste and flatter her into singing. T-Bag gives herself a big introduction.

The children hear her on the radio.

When T-Bag starts singing, it is so awful that the microphone explodes. She gets a replacement microphone and finds the number seven on it. Debbie and T-Shirt hear this on the radio and T-Shirt takes her to the ship. T-Bag taunts Debbie with the number before throwing it into the sea. T-Bag takes T-Shirt back to the T-Room.

Debbie is distraught because she has lost the quest. She stays aboard the ship to have dinner since she sang for it, and she is served with freshly caught fish and chips. Debbie finds the number seven inside the fish and decides that the fish must have swallowed it in the sea (Yes, it is improbable, but no letters, please!).



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