The T-Room
Counter: 111

T-Bag Strikes Again

Episode 6 (Dick Gherkin)

First transmitted 1.10.1986



Anita Elias as Mistress Trueheart

Aaron Shirley as Clarence Trueheart/Dick Gherkin


Debbie arrives in a creepy forest. She hears a twig crack behind her and turns around to see a large highwayman, who demands her money. She tries to escape and she screams and shouts, but the Highwayman (Dick Gherkin) tells her that it is no use because nobody dares to venture onto Crackskull Common at this time of night. He takes her numbers and vanishes into the night.

In the T-Room, T-Shirt is pushing his dinner around and hating every mouthful. T-Bag calls to him from another room to make sure he is eating it. He picks up the saucer and sees Dick in it talking to himself about how fantastic being a highwayman is. T-Shirt wishes that he could live like that. T-Bag comes in and catches him with the saucer and tells him off for using it.

We then arrive at an inn near Crackskull Common, where Mistress Trueheart is worried because she hasn't had many customers thet evening. Her son, Clarence is sitting playing dominoes quietly.

Debbie arrives at the door and hammers on it to be let in (Mistress Trueheart has just shut up for the night). She lets her in and Debbie tells her that she has been robbed by Dick Gherkin. Mistress Trueheart is really impressed by this as Dick is something of a local hero who rabs from the rich to give to the poor. She sings about him:

Our legends are peppered with heroes I'm told,

And many are handsome and many are bold.

A few are quite gallant but many are not,

But there's only one hero possesses the lot:

Gherkin, Dick Gherkin - you never know where he's lurkin'

Gherkin, Dick Gerkin - you never know where so beware!

He's dressed all in black from his head to his toes,

And folks all admire him wherever he goes.

Except for the wealthy who hate him for sure,

'Cause he robs from the rich and he gives to the poor!

Gherkin, Dick Gherkin - you never know where he's lurkin'

Gherkin, Dick Gherkin - you never know where so beware!

So if you're rich, then stop your smirkin'

Here's advice you'd best not be shirkin'

Look here, look there.

Look out, take care

That you never cross the path of Dick Gherkin!

That you never cross the path of Dick Gherkin!

Debbie complains that she isn't rich, so she shouldn't have been robbed.

T-Bag sees that Debbie has been robbed and is overjoyed. She plots to get the numbers off Dick.

Since Clarence is the Constable of the Watch, Mistress Trueheart tells Debbie to give him all the details. Clarence is a bit thick, however and complains that he can't write down the details because his pencil is broken. Mistress Trueheart despairs and wishes that her son could be more like Dick with a bit of charisma and "get up and go". Debbie gives up and Mistress Trueheart sends her to bed to rest.

T-Shirt has finished his tea, so T-Bag sends him to bed. T-Shirt doesn't want to go because it is too early. T-Bag announces that she is going to investigate the whereabouts of Dick and set a trap for him. T-Shirt asks if he can come, but T-Bag tells him no and says that she wants him asleep before she gets back. T-Shirt reluctantly goes to bed and T-Bag starts to formulate her plan. She conjurs up a bag of gold coins and decides to start at the Inn.

At the Inn, there is a knock at the door. Mistress Trueheart opens the door and T-Bag sails in dramatically, dressed in a sumptuously rich outfit, waving a lacey fan in her face.

Back at the T-Room, T-Shirt calls to T-Bag asking for a drink of water. There is no answer so he comes out looking. He finds that she isn't there, so he decides that he can now go and play at highwaymen. He dresses himself in a long black cloak and facemask and then demands all his teddy's money. He then decides that it would be better if he could sound like Dick Gherkin aswell, so he disguises his voice to sound like him. He then decides that he wants to go and find somewhere better to play. He sees Crackskull Common in the saucer and so goes there.

Mistress Trueheart warns T-Bag that if she were to go anywhere near Crackskull Common, then she would run slap bang into Dick Gherkin and be robbed to pieces. T-Bag admits that she is worried since she is so "Incredibly RRRRRich!" with "Absolute roomfulls of cash back at home!". Clarence hears this and then announces that he is tired and needs to go to bed. Mistress Trueheart is disappointed in him. T-Bag, having found out where to go, goes.

On Crackskull Common, T-Shirt appears and starts playing at Highwaymen. He hides in the bushes. T-Bag arrives, crying out that the huge sack of gold coins is so heavy that she can hardly carry it. "That's the trouble with being so stinking RRRRICH!" .

She hears his voice call out "Stand and deliver, your money or your life!", so she adopts a suitably helpless pose which involves not looking at her assailant and throws the gold to the highwayman's feet and scarpers. The "Highwayman" turns out to be T-Shirt, who is rather puzzled at what has just happened and has no idea who he has just robbed. He picks up the gold and heads back into the bushes. T-Bag emerges and gleefully tries to follow him back to his lair, but she is stopped by the real Dick, who demands her money. T-Bag yells that she has just given it to him, and Dick is intrigued. He asks her to tell her more, So T-Bag starts running around telling him where and how everything happened. When she has finished, she notices that Dick has gone. She goes back to the T-Room.

At the T-Room, she finds that T-Shirt has gone.

In the Inn, Debbie comes back down the stairs. Mistress Trueheart tells her that there has been another robbery on the common. Debbie asks why Clarence doesn't do anything about it, but Mistress Trueheart tells her that he is a good lad, but was never cut out to be a Constable. Debbie decide to go out and find Dick to get her numbers back. Mistress Trueheart tells her that she will accompany her.

On the common, T-Shirt is examining his haul. He picks up the gold and bites a coin, but he is disappointed when it turns out to be real and not chocolate. He hears Mistress Trueheart and Debbie approaching, so he hides back in the bushes. T-Shirt jumps out and demands their money in Dick's voice. Debbie realises that it is T-Shirt and takes off his mask. She sees that T-Shirt is carrying a bag and accuses him of having all the silver numbers. T-Shirt is indignant that he should be accuses so unjustly, and shows Debbie that he doesn't have her numbers after all. Debbie apologises, but T-Shirt is still miffed. He throws the bag of coins at her feet angrily and goes back to the T-Room.

Debbie notices that when the bag was thrown down, it split. She picks it up to see if she could fix it. As soon as she touches it, the real Dick jumps out and demands her money. Debbie widens the hole in the bag and hands it over. Dick disappears into the bushes with the bag. Mistress Trueheart is overwhelmed by Dick's charm and style and starts singing his praises. Debbie tells her that they have to follow him to his secret hideout, and explains that the hole in the bag that she made was wide enough to allow coins to fall out, leaving a trail.

T-Bag discovers that T-Shirt is still missing and goes to look in the bedroom for him. T-Shirt appears whilst she is out and changes into his pyjamas. T-Bag comes back in and finds him and demands a strong cup of tea.

The trail of coins lead Debbie and Mistress Trueheart back to the Inn. They find Clarence with his back turned to them, fiddling with a stuffed boar's head on the wall. Mistress Trueheart warns Clarence that Dick is lurking around the Inn and then she tells him to turn around so that she can talk to him properly. When he does turn around, he is still wearing Dick's facemask. Debbie and Mistress Trueheart realise that it is Dick. Clarence rubs his eyes, saying that he is off to bed, but then he feels that he still has the mask on. Mistress Trueheart is over the moon that he is Dick Gherkin.

Debbie asks for her numbers back. Clarence opens the mouth of the boar's head and out fall all the numbers and the number 6. Debbie offers to swap all the gold coins that they have been collecting as they followed Dick back to the Inn for the silver number 6. Clarence agrees. T-Bag appears and Debbie tells her that she is too late.

T-Shirt then threatens Debbie with his water pistols that he was playing with when he was a highwayman, but Debbie tells him not to be stupid. He goes to shoot her, but the pistol doesn't work. T-Bag asks to have a look at it, and T-Shirt points it at her and pulls the trigger. T-Bag gets squirted in the face. Whilst all this kerfuffle is going on, Debbie escapes to the next story.


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