The T-Room
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Wonders in Letterland

Episode 9 (Debbie in the Land of E)

First transmitted 30.5.1985




Terence Conoley as the Emperor


Debbie arrives outside some very grand gates in front of a large palace. She rings the bell and shouts hello. A voice calls hello back, and Debbie assumes that it is an echo. The echo turns out to be T-Shirt in the bushes with her satchel. T-Shirt explains that he is not working for T-Bag any more and takes off his T-Shirt and cap and throws them over the palace walls. A guard then shouts out and comes out of the palace grounds to complain about them discarding their clothing all over the Emperor's estate. He then demands to know who rang the bell.

Debbie admits that she rang the bell and the guard (Eric) assumes that they have come to enter a grand competition to make the gloomy old Emperor laugh (he never ever laughs or smiles or anything). Eric explains that the reward for making the Emperor laugh is anything that they want.

There is a fanfare and the Emperor comes out gloomily. He sings a song:


Down in the doldrums. Woe is me!

Down in the dumps of melancholy.

I'm altogether much too gloomy by half,

I never get a joke and I never get a laugh.


Oh, I've an untickled rib, so I don't thank it.

I'm a damp squib and a wet blanket!


Untickled, untickled, untickled rib!


I spoil the fun at the parties,

Cast a shadow everywhere!

My huntsmen and my chauffeurs

Must be driven to despair!


I sigh and I moan and I groan.

I sit all alone on my own.

I'm singing this song with my face a mile long

In this downbeat disheartening tone.


Debbie notices that the chain that the Emperor wears around his neck has all the E's from the chest. She agrees to enter the competition if she can have the chain. She asks T-Shirt to help her. Eric asks how she will make him laugh, so she tells an elephant joke, but nobody laughs.

Eric suggests making an elephant costume as a visual aid, and so T-Shirt magics up all the requisite parts (a cardboard box and a length of hose - What? No sticky backed plastic?). They then set to making the elephant.

In the T-Room, T-Bag is shouting out to T-Shirt because she needs some tea. He is not around, so she has to make it herself. T-Bag decides to locate T-Shirt in the saucer, but her tea is so terrible, she can't get a picture. She decides to go down and investigate for herself, but her magic is fading and it takes a lot of effort to get there.

The Emperor is on his throne wearing puppets on his feet and hands trying to make himself laugh, but to no avail. He is growing impatient for the competition to begin when T-Bag appears. The Emperor assumes that she is the first contestant. T-Bag asks him where "that scrawny little urchin" got to. The Emperor assumes that this is the first line of a joke and so he say "I give in". T-Bag is a bit confused by this, but she continues the interrogation. with each question, the Emperor assumes it is the first line of a joke. He finally realises that T-Bag is not a contestant. He asks her that if he sees Debbie to tell her to hurry up. He explains that he has promised her his chain if she can make him laugh. T-Bag sees the letters on his chain and then decides to have a go at making him laugh after all.

Debbie comes marching in dressed up for her show, but T-Bag barges in and changes into a jester's costume. She pulls out all the stops, making flowers appear from her sleeves, wearing googly eyes, telling jokes, etc. The Emperor sits, miserable as ever. T-Bag finally gives him a box, telling him that it is sweets. The Emperor opens it and loads of fake snakes fly out of it. The Emperor tells her that it is the last straw and tells her to bog off.

Debbie then takes the floor and introduces their elephant (T-Shirt with a cardboard box on his head and a grey dressing gown). Debbie goes into a string of rubbish elephant jokes. T-Shirt then starts to do his stuff, but T-Bag recognises him and has a row with him which the Emperor brings to a halt. He orders them all out of the land of E.

Debbie removes her plumed hat and pleads with him to give them another chance. As she is pleading, she inadvertently tickles the Emperors feet with the plume on her hat. The Emperor begins to chuckle. Debbie then realises why he is laughing and carries on. The Emperor gives her the chain through his laughter. T-Bag starts cursing. Debbie tells the Emperor that she must go, but he forbids her ever to leave because she is required to tickle his feet.

T-Bag rejoices at this because Debbie will never be able to open the chest. She takes T-Shirt back to the T-Room to make more tea.

Whilst Debbie is tickling the Emperors feet, Eric takes over for a short while. The Emperor then realises that Eric is much better at tickling his feet than Debbie is and he lets Debbie go.

In the T-Room, T-Bag is having 40 winks. T-Shirt sees that Debbie has been released in the saucer and he takes the T-Plant and goes to the Land of E to meet her. Debbie takes the T-Plant and smashes it up before throwing it into the bushes. They decide to go back the way they came to complete the legend as there are no more lands to explore.

Just then, they hear T-Bag Shout for T-Shirt angrily and the episode ends.

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